I have worked with many patients who are terminally ill and one of the common themes that I hear from them is: “My family and friends won’t talk to me about my terminal illness! It’s like I’m contagious!”

I believe that you need to just ask!

Ask what? “Are you comfortable talking about your diagnosis?”

If the answer is a “No” don’t just drop the question, turn it into an empathic comment, “If you ever want to talk, please know that I am here for you and if you don’t mind I may periodically check in with you.”

If they are open to talking about their terminal illness you can once again ask an open-ended question. “What were you feeling when you heard the diagnosis?” “Can you tell me how I can best support you?”

To focus on a more specific answer to your question, keep some of the following things in mind. Folks with a terminal illness have good days and bad days. If they are receiving chemotherapy for the treatment of CA, the first week of the Chemo may be a week of bad days. Bad day may mean nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, or lack of appetite.

It’s O.K. to ask if this is a good day or a bad day? Your definition of meaningful may be much different than his or her definition of meaningful.

Doing the laundry, ironing your brother-in-laws shirts, picking up the dry cleaning, tiding up the house, or running errands may have more meaning that sitting with your relative and having deep conversations.

The latter sans the deep conversations can also make meaningful memories especially if you live miles apart. Ram Dass in his book How Can I Help wrote that one of the most meaningful things that we can do for someone with a terminal illness is to “just be there!”

Again it is important to take your cues from your family member and the best way to get those cues is to ask for them.

Be Well!

Lawrence J. Schulte, Ph.D., C.Ht.

Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology 1990-Present

C.Ht. Certified Hypnotherapist 2016-Present

Please visit my website: https://www.centerforadultdevelopment.com